Seven Reasons Why
by AuroraFireMadness
Summary: Katara finds some letters Zuko wrote to his dead uncle Iroh. She's getting married tomorrow and here he was showing a completely different side to him - a side she didn't know he had. Her qualms about reading the letters are assuaged when she sees her name in the letters - she had to read to see what he said about her... yes that was her excuse and she was sticking to it.
1. Chapter 1

ZUKO IS… WHAT? KATARA FINDS SOME LETTERS

Katara flitted around the office as if she had been there many times before, when in reality this was the first time she had been in it without Zuko…Fire Lord Zuko, she had to get used to calling him that. She was the guest of honour in the Fire Nation Palace so the guards couldn't stop her from entering the Fire Lord's office; after all, his instructions were crystal clear:

"She is to be given free entrance into any room she wishes to enter."

Katara looked around on his neat desk, exasperated.

"Where are those contracts? I need to send them off tomorrow!" She grumbled as she sifted through mountains of parchment scrolls. She tried her best not to mess up the neat stacks of scrolls on Zuko's desk, but failed miserably. Tomorrow she was getting married and here she was looking for some contracts that should have been sent off last week but due to bridal dress fittings she had forgotten. "Zuko's going to kill me." She groaned. She tried to move around the desk but bumped her hip in the process. The jolt made the desk move and scrolls of parchment came thundering down. "Nooooooooo." Katara wailed. She bent over, ignoring the sharp pain in her hip, and started stacking them up. "I hope he won't notice." She mumbled.

A sheaf of parchments tied in a red ribbon caught her eye – they weren't any standard Fire Nation parchment stationary which puzzled Katara. What was Zuko writing? She thought that they could have been notes from the meeting they had attended yesterday – Zuko was writing something on similar stationary – so she picked it up. It wasn't notes, it was a letter; she quickly scanned the letters and gasped. Zuko was writing letters to his uncle Iroh… why? She picked up the tied stack of parchments, ignored the fallen stacks, and sat numbly in Zuko's chair as she untied the ribbon. She made the decision of reading the letters before contemplating the consequences – if she had known what the letters were about, she wouldn't have read them.

* * *

Dear Uncle,

This will probably be my last letter – I have found it therapeutic writing all of this stuff down. Sometimes, I wonder how life would have turned out if I were Lu Ten's brother, if you were my father. I never told anyone this but when I was younger and I used to spend time with you and my cousin, I would pretend for just a moment that you were my father and I would think that all the other children would be jealous of me because I had the greatest mother and father in the world.

You wouldn't have given me this scar for disobeying orders; you wouldn't have banished me at thirteen and made me regain my honour. During our hunt for the Avatar I was cruel and rude to you – that was the most dishonourable thing I have ever done. I didn't realise it at that time but I was resentful toward my cousin and, by proxy, to you. Lu Ten had a father who mourned him years after his death while my own father chose to banish me, to exile me from my country, my home, my future and sent me on a mission hoping that I would surely fail. I wanted to be your son for so many years, feel the love you had for your son and instead I turned my wishful desires to hate and malice. I only realised in the recent years that you being my uncle was better than having you as my father – without the contrast of you two I would never be the person I am today. I would never have learnt what hardship does to a person, what hate can do – and I learned that atoning for your mistakes your whole life is what makes you honourable.

I won't write another letter because I've assuaged my fears of loneliness; it can't be that bad being alone your whole life. Perhaps I can adopt Sokka's kid and teach him actual manly stuff – saving Sokka the embarrassment of steering him the wrong way. Actually, that's mean: Sokka has come a long way since marrying Suki and, believe it or not, he actually wins when they spar (although, I am a bit dubious about that fact since Suki is one of the best warriors I have ever met, better than me even, and she can beat Sokka at any type of fight). Do you think I would be able to be the uncle you were?

The answer probably lies within me – this is where you would give me some cryptic proverb that I would never get the meaning of. I miss those proverbs – but more so, I miss having the people I grew up with around me. I found a surrogate family in Aang, Katara, Toph, Mai and her husband, Sokka and Suki but it's not the same. I think they sometimes fear me – I am still a bit unstable and, just yesterday, I lost control of my temper with the fire sages (they keep berating me for cutting taxes in half) and burnt a small portion of the palace gardens. Sokka is the closest thing I have to a brother – he teases me all the time for being Fire Lord and when I have to go to all the functions and act all proper – I get annoyed at him but, to be honest, I secretly like it. Aang is the closest thing I have to a best friend – he is away most of the time, but when he drops in with Sokka, they tend to cause mayhem – and I enjoy talking to him about my work and take his advice almost every time he gives it to me. Toph – well Toph will always be Toph; as an Earth Kingdom noble and Ambassador (I now do not doubt that King Bumi is actually crazy, he made Toph Ambassador to the Fire Nation) she is always in the palace – she has grown into a beautiful woman and she knows it as do all my generals – but hardly spends any time with me, instead she's off on picnics with one of her never-ending string of suitors. Suki and Mai think that I still have to be taken care of – there is no awkwardness between me and Mai, instead she and Suki have taken it upon themselves to mother me (more like smother me) and are always making sure that I am healthy and safe. Katara… she'll always be Katara to me.

When I saw her for the first time in her home so many years ago, I was just a boy who was hell-bent on regaining my honour. I didn't know that meeting her would change the course of my life forever – meeting her was when my real adventure began. I know her now as a man and my feelings have changed so much in these past years that I sometimes don't know what these feelings mean. Tomorrow everything will change – there will be nothing I can do. Not that I would – over the years I've had many opportunities to express my feelings to her but I never took them.

So why do I love her? I've given you six reasons why I would… but the main reason is because she's herself – she's the greatest person I know. Thoughts of her plague my dreams while in my waking hours all I can think of is her; this sounds like an obsession, but that is what she is to me. I need her in my life – if I can't have her as my wife, my partner, I have to have her as a friend because if she leaves she's going to take a huge chunk of me with her. I can't stand the idea of her not being in my life.

Zuko

* * *

Katara reached the end of the parchment, eyes wide. Zuko loved her? She leaned back into his chair and contemplated over what she had just read. Zuko couldn't be in love with her, he couldn't. She was marrying Aang and… and he had never said anything to her before! Katara turned to the desk and sifted through the rest of the parchments spread out before her. These were all letters to Iroh and they probably contained a lot of information about Zuko's feelings toward her. Katara had to make a decision, and fast, about whether to continue reading the letters or stop. These were, after all, Zuko's private thoughts on paper and if he found her reading them… Katara froze. If Zuko found her reading these letter he would be furious, and rightly so since she was invading his privacy.

She looked out the window and saw the sun dial – she still had another hour since Zuko was in meetings with various Fire Nation nobles until dusk, that was plenty of time. She made her decision, she would read these letters and confront Zuko about his feelings when she saw him.

* * *

A/N: This chapter is REALLY short because there is not much to say except that she found letters and I want the focus of the story to be on the letters. Expect a longer chapter later on : )

**AuroraFireMadness**


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Uncle,

I am currently in a meeting about budget expenditures and my mind wanders back to when I was fourteen years old and I had my first "special dream" as you call it. It is taking all of my self-control not to laugh, but thinking about your expression, which was a mix of pride and shock, makes me want to laugh. I remember dreaming about that servant girl in the palace, remember, the one who used to serve us breakfast. You would tell me that her body was sculpted by the Gods themselves and their wives were so jealous that they sent her to be a mere servant girl in a grand palace to teach her humility. If I remember correctly, father burned her when she was late with breakfast one morning, although I don't remember her being late, and marred her beautiful looks – you were very disappointed that morning. I never saw her again though and always wondered what happened to her.

Since my coronation, my "special dreams" take place in water (which doesn't seem to help matters) and Katara takes the place of the servant girl (in my opinion, Katara's beauty is far superior to the servant girl's). What is wrong with me? She's marrying my best friend in two days and all I can think about is… argh! I can't even write it on paper to a letter that will never be sent! Uncle, what I would give to hear one of your aggravating proverbs that never made sense to me – at least then I would have something else to puzzle over! My feelings for Katara have gotten out of hand.

"I'll save you from the pirates"…I said those words to her that day when they were running away from the pirates after they stole that scroll. When I remember who I was then…I am so ashamed to think of who I used to be. I never saved her from the pirates. I left her tied up, like a package, ready for them to take her hostage. I never saved her from anything and, ironically enough, she ended up saving me. I couldn't save her from a gang of stupid pirates and she… saved me from…me.

I was a bitter, angry, teenager – oh how I must have annoyed you uncle with my teenage antics, but you stuck by me. Do you remember how displeased you were with me when you found out I had stolen her necklace? You begged me to give it back to her, but I couldn't… it's not that I was too stubborn and _wouldn't_ give it back to her, but I couldn't. Her necklace was…it was a charm for me, a totem, something to latch on to, something to look forward too. At that time, I was so hell-bent on capturing the avatar that I didn't realise the significance of the treasure I had within my grasp. I could have used it as a peace offering but… I am glad to see that I have grown since then. She has taught me so much and I know that I have grown even more in her presence. She brings out the best side in me. Even when we spar, I have finally come to understand how to use the fire and control it without anger. You tried teaching me uncle and I am ashamed to say that the only way I could learn to control it is because of her. The fire sages at the palace wonder at my improvement and have even told me that my accuracy rivals that of the Great Dragon himself – at that moment uncle, I was thinking of whether your reaction would be that of a proud master or that of a proud master with a tiny hint of jealousy. I sway toward the latter, and so does Katara- no offense to you uncle but I know that you wore the title "Great Dragon" with much pride.

There are other fires, temptations if you will, that I have also learned to curb. Katara came to dinner a few nights ago dressed in a beautiful fire nation dress – I do believe it was mother's at some point since I have a memory of her wearing it – and she was breath-taking. Of course, she spent the whole evening complaining about how wearing fire nation attire was an affront to her culture and then she complained how it reminded her of when she and the gaang was in hiding from us. Of course she knew I would feel uncomfortable – Uncle, sometimes I think she says things like this to deliberately berate me.

Yes uncle, I did take the bait after a while and curtly ended her complaining. I enjoy those verbal spars I have with her as much as I enjoy the bending sparring. I don't know if she enjoys them too but… I wish she did… She brought up the necklace incident again and I was silent. She kept making remarks about her feelings toward the necklace and its sentimental value it held.

Now she wears another necklace. As beautiful as it is, I have another one just for her in the vaults that's very simple and I hope one day to give it to her, even if it's just as friends.

The fire sages have noticed that fact that I have not been paying attention and Katara just gave me one of her infamous stares that tended to render Aang and Sokka quiet and still. I am ashamed to say that I was scared enough to put down my quill and paid attention until she finally looked away and started paying attention to the fire sage, who continues to talk about raising taxes when I have explicitly told him that I will not be doing that for the next few years at least.

Katara has just given me another stare. This confuses me because I don't know whether to be scared or whether my feelings for her just grow even more.

Zuko

* * *

Katara didn't know whether to laugh or remain stoic on what she had just read. She leaned back in the chair and put the letter down tentatively before scrambling through the sheaf of papers frantically trying to find more letters. She picked the next one up, and before starting to read it, she rubbed her eyes hoping to rub away some of the anxiety.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Uncle,

The first time I had, what you call a "special dream", I was fourteen and I dreamt of that servant woman in the palace who used to serve us breakfast (if I remember correctly, you once told me that her body was sculpted by Agni himself and Agni's wife was so jealous of her beauty that she banished her to be a humble servant in the palace). Since my coronation, my "special dreams" take place in water (which doesn't seem to help matters) and Katara takes the place of the servant. What is wrong with me? She's marrying my best friend in two days! Uncle, I need your guidance –

actually I would probably reject your advice since you would tell me some long, complicated proverb that makes no sense.

"I'll save you from the pirates". I told her that during our first encounters when I was still hell-bent on capturing the Avatar. Truth be told I knew from the moment that I wanted to save her from all the evil in the world. I held on to her necklace like it was a totem, a charm…something to remember her by. I was mesmerised by her beauty from the minute I saw her and, in that moment, everything changed. I was relentless in trying to capture Aang but looking back, I was hoping that I would, just maybe, be able to catch a glimpse of her.

The first time I ever say her she was standing as the youngest female water-tribe local ready to defend her people. I had never seen so much determination in anyone's eyes, and I have seen war. I remember the flash of terror glazing over her face when I got off the ship but she was unwavering as she never showed her fear – this is what makes a great warrior.

When I think back on my actions I cringe knowing that I have caused her so much pain and suffering just so that I could regain my honour. She is the epitome of all kinds of beautiful and I feel as if I lost so much time that I could have spent being a better person, chasing the Avatar just to be redeemed in father's eyes. You were a better father to me than he would ever be in a thousand life-times.

Ba Sing Se… I knew of her beauty before but it was in Ba Sing Se, when we were both in the caves, I realised her true beauty wasn't on the outside, but rather on the inside. I had made her life miserable; I was chasing her and her friends over some foolish quest, making them skimp and scrape on bare necessities, and ultimately making their lives miserable. Yet, despite all of this, she was still willing to use precious water from the Spirit Oasis in the Northern Water Tribe to heal my scar. She was the first person, other than healers, to touch my scar and I didn't shun away.

No one has ever touched me like and I don't think anyone has. Mai knew that my scar was a part of my face but she looked past it – Katara didn't. She looked at my scar as a part of me almost as if she knew that my scar was what made me who I am. There was no pity in her eyes, like I saw in the people who stared at me; whether it was people who knew how I got my scar, or people who thought I was in some freak accident, people met my scar with pity and they saw it as a sign of weakness. Katara didn't; she saw it as my strength as my reason to keep going. My scar was what made me the Fire Lord I am today. I have known cruelty in my past – it is what has made my sympathetic, as well as empathetic, to the plight of my people.

My father has hurt many people, me amongst them, but I never realised how much he had hurt Katara. Although she had never met him until that fateful day where Aang rid him of his powers, she had suffered the most from this man; she had seen her mother die, her village pillaged and its people drastically diminish; she had felt my wrath caused by my father's scorn, a wrath which made her suffer for weeks until I saw the light and joined the Avatar…

Listen to me rambling. I should technically be paying attention to the Fire Sages as they recall the correct protocol in how to receive the Earth King next week, but I am not actually listening to them; I doubt they know just how crazy King Bumi actually is and that if I ever bowed to him he would probably shove an earth stump in my face just to say that I should be on constant vigilance. Katara is probably getting ready for her wedding – she and Aang have been visiting dressmakers and they are driving everyone crazy with their constant questions:

"Which flowers do you prefer?"

"Lace or tulle?" What is tulle anyway Uncle? I think Katara noticed my horrified expression and went to ask Suki who apparently knew what tulle was and got into a whole conversation with her about her wedding dress. I know that fur is out of the questions since Fire Nation weather doesn't accommodate that material.

"Do you think Katara would like a princess cut diamond, a rough diamond or a rhinestone?" Aang had the audacity to ask me this question while I was practicing my lightning technique and I burnt a tree to a crisp because I didn't know what either of those words meant. I am actually very proud of myself since I offered to help Aang make a ring – we both used fire and lightning together with sand to make a really nice glass band. You would have been proud of my uncle. Aang can't wait to give it to Katara on their wedding day.

"Sea prunes or cream cakes?" Does Katara not think before she asks these questions? I had to tell her, very diplomatically, that Fire Nation guests would not take kindly to being served sea prunes – not only do they have no taste, but it leaves a certain after party in one's intestines and the rest of the day is spent either hiding in your room and polluting the air with the most foul smelling carbon monoxide, or on the toilet holding your stomach in pain cursing every water tribe person you know. She had to think about it and even got it into to her head to add some spice for flavour and make it a unique Fire Nation Water Tribe dish. Thankfully she walked away before she could see my expression.

"Hair up or down?" Katara keeps going through the Palace halls with different hairstyles – she changes hairdo at least five times a day to see what suits her best. Suki tries to give her advice but nothing helps.

So you see uncle, I can't go anywhere without being reminded that Katara is getting married. When I think of the time we spent together in that cave in Ba Sing Se I think to all the subsequent moments where I could have told how I really felt…but I didn't.

She made me remember why I was fighting when I was having doubts. It's not easy growing up as Ozai's son. I was the banished prince for so long, I had forgotten what it was like to be Zuko. She made me remember.

For years I roamed the seas on a ship with a crew that catered to my every hate filled whim and I never stopped to think about what they could be losing. In the final days when we were preparing for the final battle against the Fire Lord, against my father, I went down to the beach mother used to take me and Azula when we were children – you know the one I'm talking about; the beach that's secluded by a wall of rocks and that has sand so fine you can barely feel the roughness of it. She found me sitting there, pondering about what was about to come.

No one asked me what it would feel liked to defeat my father and what would happen next. I wanted you to take the throne because I was scared that there was too much of my father in me. She made me see that I could use what I had of him inside me to my advantage – his skill in commanding an army could be helpful when I became Fire Lord, his drive combined with my apparent compassion would make excellent traits for a Fire Lord.

She made see that I could become a better person. You tried to too, but I was wrapped up in my quest for revenge I didn't listen to you.

I wish I had your guidance now to guide me into how to be a Fire Lord. After all this time I still have my doubts but she still believes in me. She's not the only one. My friends are with me every step of the way.

What do I do?

Zuko

* * *

Katara felt tears prickling her eyes, but she blinked them away. She was determined to get through the pile of letters before anyone came in the room. She cast a quick look at the door and made sure to listen to any noise outside. When she was certain that the coast was clear, she took the next letter and started reading.

However, something Zuko said made her stop and scan the previous letter again. He was still helping Aang go through the marriage with her. Why was he doing this if he supposedly loved her? Katara felt tears prick at her eyes again, but this time it wasn't for sentimental reasons, but rather, they were tears of anger.


End file.
